Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk. Shoplifting is a victimless crime.


Like punching someone in the dark. Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus?
That came out of left field.


So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. Oh, a *sarcasm* detector.


They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.


Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do? This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie „The Never Ending Story.“ Shoplifting is a victimless crime.
That came out of left field.


I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman. When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…

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